TEN WAYS TO TELL IF YOU'VE ACCIDENTALLY WOKEN UP IN A BRAND NEW HOUSE WITH THE DEVIL AS YOUR GOVERNESS
10. When you breathe on the glass doors of the Kwik-E-Mart it doesn't fog up, and you just don't find Itchy And Scratchy episodes funny anymore.
9. You find the idea of punting a small dog across the yard amusing.
8. You wake up with a start and go, "Oh. Em. Gee. Red Rum is MURDER backwards!!!!"
7. You freak out the first time you go to the bathroom, until someone reminds you that you had beet salad for dinner the night before...and THEN you remember the salad dressing was blood.
6. The only mail you ever get is addressed to "The Seventh Circle of Hell"...and it's only ever the OfficeMax catalog.
5. Your nanny demands that you call her a governess...and when you tell her no one says "governess" anymore, she threatens to break your hamster's finger. And when you tell her you don't have a hamster, she says, "Oh, you will be!" and cackles off before you can figure out what that means.
4. Your alarm clock sounds like a little girl laughing in a dark forest, and the snooze button is the volume up button.
3. Girl Scouts get your order wrong and instead of thin mints, they deliver great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts...plus those crappy lemon ones.
2. Your chore list becomes stuff like, "Clean out the basement, but be evil about it," and "Dance, my soul-less puppet, Dance!"
1. When you invite people to your house they say, "You mean the house full of all the dead kids?" and you say, "I'm not dead." And then you go, wait a minute, maybe I didn't survive that plane crash...and then they interrupt and say, "Oh, no, you definitely survived. I just meant dead *inside*."
And there you have it!
Thanks Daniel and Dina!
A devilish debut by a brother-sister team invites us into the world of the elite Marlowe School, where some gifted students are having a hell of a year.
One night, in cities all across Europe, five children vanish — only to appear, years later, at an exclusive New York party with a strange and elegant governess. Rumor and mystery follow the Faust teenagers to the city’s most prestigious high school, where they soar to suspicious heights with the help of their benefactor’s extraordinary "gifts." But as the students claw their way up — reading minds, erasing scenes, stopping time, stealing power, seducing with artificial beauty — they start to suffer the sideeffects of their own addictions. And as they make further deals with the devil, they uncover secrets more shocking than their most unforgivable sins. At once chilling and wickedly satirical, this contemporary reimagining of the Faustian bargain is a compelling tale of ambition, consequences, and ultimate redemption.
Another Faust was released in August and is in stores now.
(You can check out my review of Another Faust HERE).
Would you like to win a finished, hardcover copy of
Of course you would!