Penned by Polly Madassa
1. You will be completely forgiven for accidentally intoxicating your best friend with current wine after you have saved her younger sister from the croup because you knew that ipecac was the medicine needed to treat the illness.
2. You can completely ignore imbecile characters such as Clint, and expect their imminent demise at the end of the novel.
3. Such disastrous food concoctions such as tuna casserole do not have to be actually smelled or eaten, but rather simply thought of…which can, I admit quite honestly, be just as painful to a person well acquainted with “the chicken of the sea” as the actual eating of the casserole.
4. You may wear the most elegant of dresses and not be said to resemble an Amish girl…though note that I have nothing against that most pious group of people for they make a most splendid whoopee pie…though I do wonder at that chosen name…Chocolate decadence is so much more romantic.
5. A candelabra tipping over involves a great deal of drama with gentleman coming to the rescue of their one true love and then a new bedroom set ordered direct from Paris or London. It does not consist of your Mama and Papa secreting away the beautiful candelabra and forcing you to use a clip-on metallic light with a very horrifying snake-like neck to pen your words.
6. The game of whist is so much more intriguing when one merely reads about it than when one attempts to try and play with one’s not-so-romantic family who would much rather play either a game called Spit or one known as Sardines.
7. Horse drawn carriage rides are infinitely more romantic in a novella. Indeed, though the equine race is very elegant mammal, books never quite convey the scent that these great beasts emit while trotting and cantering along. So may I suggest a dainty lace embroidered handkerchief to place over your nose if you are ever given the opportunity to partake in a carriage ride?
8. Swooning and smelling salts. Indeed fainting is a much more delicate pastime in books than in real life. The female swoons upon a settee (and this very word is also another reason why books are much more romantic) in the arms of a very handsome gentleman. She is held most securely by his strong, capable arms and is awakened with a small bottle of tonic and then made to retire with quite a fuss made over her. Now, when one swoons, she must take great pains to look behind her before she performs the said swoon and at the risk of having icy water tossed into her face. Then she is promptly sent up to bed and the incident is only remembered when someone is in need of a laugh.
9. Vampires, such as the dashingly pale suitor, Edward Cullen, exist and that, I am convinced, is reason enough to want to never, ever stop reading…ever…(cu elegant swoon with smelling salts nearby)
10. You may imagine yourself as Elizabeth Bennet and hear Mr. Darcy explain over and over again how much he ardently loves you, body and soul, and never once does he refer to the color of your hair as glowing like a light bulb.
Lindsay knew she wanted to be a writer ever since fifth grade, when she won an honorable mention for her book “What Can You Learn From a Giflyaroo.” The book received rave reviews and was highly acclaimed among her family members. Sadly, with only ten hardbound copies produced, the book is now out of print. A true romantic, an avid espresso drinker, and a lover of all that can make her laugh, Lindsay lives in Breckenridge, Colorado, with her husband, their four kids, their dog, Cowboy, and various bears and foxes that venture into their yard.
Coming December 22, 2009
Overly romantic Polly Madassa is convinced she was born for a more romantic time. A time when Elizabeth Bennet and Anne Shirley walked along the moors and beaches of the beautiful, wild land, a time where a distinguished gentleman called upon a lady of quality and true love was born in the locked eyes of two young lovers.
But alas, she was not.
This however does not stop our young heroine from finding romance wherever she can conjure it up. So while Polly is burdened with a summer job of delivering baked goods from her parents bakery (how delightfully quaint) to the people in her small beach town, she finds a way to force… um… encourage romance to blossom. She is determined to bring lovers, young and old, together… whether they want to be or not.
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